Simply Glorfindel
by Psalm 136
Summary: Glorfindel died in Gondolin, and now that he's been resurrected, he doubts he's any better off. This is his journey from the depths of his despair, into a future of peace. Eru knows he deserves it. AU, no slash
1. Agony, oh my heart!

_Okay! I'm back with a new story, and this time it is centered on our favorite Balrog Slayer, Glorfindel. Be prepared for angst and friendly fluff. There will be no slash and this is AU._

Glorfindel pushed his food around on his plate, drinking sparingly from his goblet of sweet, red wine. It was a grand party with food aplenty and wine overflowing, but his heart and mind were elsewhere. He had the reputation as a graceful dancer, even among elves, but he was disappointing many ellith; his feet were not moved to dance. His passion was consumed by the heat of the Balrog's flame. He closed his eyes as he felt his skin burn and turn to ash again. He swallowed as he began to sweat. He was overcome by images of his bones breaking and pushing through his skin and the creature of fire and evil closing in around him… and he was gone.

"Glorfindel?" Elrond asked softly.

His eyes snapped open and he found his hands were shaking and his entire body was cold. He swallowed, bringing his desperate eyes to meet those of his lord. He took a deep breath and fought to regain his composure. He offered a shaky smile to ward off suspicion. These were his demons and his to fight. Though, it had been centuries since he had attempted to battle his memories. His intense fear of fire and darkness had increased until he could only stand starlight, which comforted him and soothed his inner turmoil for a time. Songs only reminded him of the deadly roar and even dancing reminded him of fighting the Balrog with no chance of life.

"Come back to us." Elrond bid him softly. "Bring your mind back to the land of the living."

Glorfindel looked up. "I am fine." His shaking voice, however, told a different story.

Elrond sighed and shook his head. He guided Glorfindel from the hall and into the silent corridors. The elves did not speak, instead they journeyed to Glorfindel's chamber and sat in his sitting room. Glorfindel raked his fingers through his free-flowing hair. All words were caught in his throat and he did not know how to express what was slowly killing him.

"What is it that you fear?" Elrond queried, noting the hesitation on his friend's face.

"Fire… and darkness." He whispered. "The Balrog haunts me every moment."

"Do you believe you will sail?" The wise elf lord, for possibly the first time in his long life, did not know how to help his friend, whom had been at his side through Celebrian's departure and seeing his sons fall from grace into anger and despair.

"… Yes." The seneschal admitted. He had felt the calling and had fought it off, reminding himself of his duties and of his love of Arda, and those who would stay until the Shadow was destroyed.

"Glorfindel, if that… is what you truly want, then leave. I beg you, if you believe that will heal your wounds, then go, but if you have a shadow of a doubt, please, do not go."

"I am not myself anymore." Glorfindel looked as if he would continue when two figures burst through the door.

"Elladan, Elrohir, what is it? I thought you were gone for two weeks." Elrond stood up, rushing over to his sons, both of whom had tears streaking down their faces.

"Arathorn… is dead." Elladan panted. "Gilraen as well."

Elrohir held up the bundle in his arms. "Ada, meet Aragorn, son of Arathorn." He said softly, sniffing.

Glorfindel stood up and glanced over Elrohir's shoulder. A tiny face looked up at him and gray orbs of innocence met with his brown ones of pain and something inside of him was soothed, if only for a moment. A rush of powerful love swept over him and he smiled.


	2. Memories of a Past

_Thanks for all the kind reviews!_

It was storming again in Imladris. Glorfindel sat at a table in the library, doing some light reading after having finished his duties. In front of him sat a book on the history of Middle Earth and he was skimming through, trying to locate his favorite anecdotes and battles. He hummed a lay that was often sung in Gondolin underneath his breath, not even realizing it. He heard a cry in the distance, and smiled to himself. Estel was a darling addition to Imladris.

Glorfindel would not lie to himself. He knew the small babe had brought some semblance of love and peace into his life, but one so small could only do so much. He let out a slow sigh as Elladan and Elrohir walked into the room, and in the elder twin's arms lay the child. The golden haired advisor looked up and smiled, turning to the next page.

Colors swam around him. Red and black mixed in with the rich colors of the library. Images of fire and death swirled about his vision as he looked at the illustration of the Balrog.

Erestor walked to him in concern and put a hand on his shoulder, meaning to calm him. Glorfindel felt his touch, but it was neither comforting nor familiar. It was the fiery touch of the Balrog, burning his skin and destroying his being. He gave a low moan, for it was all his throat would allow, and tumbled from his chair. His memories blocked any reality from passing through and for a time, he existed in his own world and Erestor, the twins and Estel ceased to exist.

"Elrohir, get your father." Erestor ordered sharply. "Elladan, take your brother to his room and stay with him."

The twins hesitated. "GO!" They disappeared within a moment.

Erestor pulled his robe from his tall, wiry frame and made it into a makeshift pillow for his friend. "Hush, mellon nin…" He whispered.

Elrond slipped through the door, his face concerned and strained. He knelt down, biding Erestor to step aside. The elven lord took Glorfindel into his arms and rocked his slowly, chanting words softly and the look of pain almost disappeared from the blonde elf. Elrond lifted Glorfindel easily into his arms and stood up. He looked down at his friend and advisor with sympathy. He knew what memories haunted the famed Balrog Slayer.

"Is he well?" Erestor asked.

"No." Elrond admitted. "And I doubt he will be."

"What?" Elladan asked, as both he and Elrohir entered the library. "What do you mean?"

"Memories of a past he wishes to forget haunt him. That is all I will say." Elrond passed the mumbling Balrog Slayer to Erestor. "Take him to the infirmary. _Hannon le_."

"Eru save him." The elven lord whispered into the silence broken by the crash of thunder and the flash of lightning across the raging sky.


	3. There Aren't Any Eaves in Rivendell!

_Sorry for the long wait. I started on a Pirates of the Caribbean fic and its been taking up most of my muse. _

Glorfindel exited the council rooms with a large sigh of relief. Having to face the other advisors and their haughty eyes and condescending ideas was just a bit too much on most days, but this was over the top. His head was throbbing and he was not in a good mood. He grumbled underneath his breath as he asked a servant for tea and headed towards his quarters. A long nap until dinner would do him very, very well.

He opened the door to his rooms and a bucket of water over turned, splashing cold water over his head. He shrieked in a most unwarrior-like fashion and looked up, wiping the water away from his eyes. A bucket had been placed and hung from a string so that when the door opened, the water would fall. He heard snickers coming from around the corner and in a flash, he had the two culprits by their ears.

"What is this all about?" He demanded furiously.

"Elrohir did it!" Elladan pointed at his twin.

"Nah, his idea!" Elrohir protested.

The blonde elf let go of the twins and glared at them. "I would have expected better from you two! You are full-grown elves! You are no longer elflings so that you may do whatever you wish! I'll be talking to your father about this!" He hissed, walking into his rooms and slamming the door behind him.

Elladan looked at Elrohir. "Why is he suddenly scary?" He asked.

"He's never been so angry before." Elrohir observed.

"I know. He usually laughs at us and then chases us around." Elladan shrugged. "Come on, let's go play with Estel."

"Okay!" Elrohir chirped. "Wait." He made a motion that Elladan should be quiet and pressed his ear against the door, his brother doing the same.

"Eru… I cannot keep this up. I just vented my anger on the twins and they usually mean so well, just to get me laugh. They were in the council as well and they get more bored than I do. I was completely unfair to them, I know this."

"What?" Elladan mouthed to his brother and Elrohir shrugged.

"Why are these memories suddenly attacking me? I have made it thus far, these many years, without being bothered much, and Elrond asks me about it and I tell him and they get worse. Why are you testing me so?" He sighed. "I detest myself even more each time I watch all of my friends, my loved ones, die before my eyes and yet, I am here without them. Why did you take them from me? I should have died! I should have been the one to die and they should have been spared!"

Elladan and Elrohir heard soft sobs coming from Glorfindel and they looked at each other in awe. They had never known. They could not have ever known; Glorfindel hid his emotions very well. Elladan slung an arm around Elrohir and they walked off, feeling guilt and regret swarm in their thoughts.


	4. A Smile

_Oh my goodness! I wasn't expecting such a good response. You guys inspire me and my ickle Glorfindel muse._

Glorfindel awoke the next morning, feeling refreshed. He looked up and noticed the tea on a nearby table. Apparently he had missed dinner and hadn't even woken up when the servant had brought him his tea. He nibbled at one of the biscuits on the plate and he ran a hand through his mussed up hair. He looked at the sheets that seemed to have tangled around his long, muscled legs. Though refreshed, he felt drained of all emotion. He blinked and got up, pulling the sheet away from his body and tossing it back onto the bed. He stretched, stuffing the rest of the biscuit into his mouth and chewing thoughtfully.

"Ah. The twins." He muttered to himself as he almost slipped in the puddle of water. He sighed and went to his wardrobe and dressed in a white shirt, black breeches and a robe in the traditional Imladris blue.

Glorfindel quickly braided his hair in his warrior braids, pushing the rest of his hair behind his shoulders. He went to the bowl of water that the maids refilled every day and splashed water onto his face, letting out a long sigh. He wiped his face with the sleeve of his robe and walked out of the door, ready to begin another day.

The twins were already seated for breakfast when he arrived. He did not miss the fact they did not look up to greet him. He took the seat to the right of Elladan, instead his regular seat to Elrond's right. He looked over the population of Imladris before turning to the twins.

"Forgive me." He said softly.

Elladan and Elrohir looked up in unison, smiles on their faces. Glorfindel was surprised to see that they were not smiles of mischief or pity, but actual smiles. "Already have." Elladan said.

"Two steps ahead of you, as always." Elrohir quipped.

Glorfindel smiled, feeling awkward as he did. He did not smile often, not even when he was laughing or dancing or singing. He didn't smile when the twins and Legolas had prank wars and they pulled Erestor in. He did not smile when Erestor drew rude pictures of the other advisors. But he smiled then and it was well with his soul.


	5. I'm Fine

Glorfindel leaned back in his chair as he watched the twins attempt to sing a silly tavern song they had learned somewhere on their travels in the Hall of Fire. A vast misconception among the visitors of Imladris was the Hall of Fire singing and dancing and merriment was not a serious thing. Some nights, it was a solemn affair, true enough, but most nights it was time to laugh off all of the cares an elf might be carrying on his shoulders. The Balrog-Slayer snickered as Elrohir slipped on his brother's foot and crashed into the floor.

He turned to Elrond who was rising from his seat. "Is Legolas and his entourage due to arrive?" He asked, standing up as well.

"No, but I believe they took a few shortcuts and made good time." The Lord of Imladris said, leaving the twins to entertain the guests.

Glorfindel followed him and they walked out into the night air to greet the prince of Mirkwood who galloped up to meet them and dismounted with a flourish. He approached Lord Elrond and bowed. He smiled at Glorfindel.

"My Lord Elrond, I thank you for your hospitality, once again." Legolas greeted the dark-haired lord.

"Again, I must say, any time, prince." Lord Elrond nodded his head. "Come inside and let us see if the cooks will be opposed to feeding twenty hungry warriors. Glorfindel will take you and I must see to some things."

Glorfindel nodded to Lord Elrond and turned to see the stable hands rushing out to take the horses from the Mirkwood warriors. He smiled at Legolas who was pulling his dirty cloak from his shoulders. The two blonde elves walked inside together and headed towards the kitchens.

"Glorfindel, what ails you?" Legolas asked in his light tenor voice.

"What? I do not know what you are speaking of." He stated.

"You are gaunt, you are pale, your eyes are slightly sunken, and you walk with exhaustion." Coming from the elf who spoke perhaps a hundred words during his entire stay, Glorfindel blinked and sighed.

"It is nothing." He brushed it off.

Legolas looked at him incredulously. "I didn't spend most of my life learning to find weaknesses for naught, Glorfindel. Tell me."

Glorfindel sighed. "They are memories… of Gondolin. Every moment of the day, I see flame and darkness."

Mirkwood's youngest prince sighed and nodded. "You have suffered much, mellon-nin. Why did you not speak of this before?"

"I had managed them for a long while, but then Elrond asked me. I have told him and the night Elladan and Elrohir brought little Estel back, I had a panic attack and was consumed by thoughts of fire." Glorfindel looked away from the younger elf. He felt a reassuring hand on his shoulder and looked into the wise blue eyes of Legolas.

"I know where the kitchens are. You look like you could use some sleep." Legolas clapped Glorfindel on the back and left him standing there.

Glorfindel sighed and headed down the left hallway towards his chambers. He put his hand on the knob and sighed once more, entering. He pulled his tunic and shirt off, collapsing onto his bed. He stared up at the ceiling and then stood up, walking over to his balcony. He closed the door behind him and stared up at the stars. He glanced over to the next balcony where Elrohir was holding his small brother and singing softly. The sides of his mouth quirked upwards.

"Well, aren't we becoming a mother?" Glorfindel teased the younger twin.

Elrohir looked up, rolling his eyes. "Thanks." He grinned and cradled his brother closer. "He's finally getting to sleep."

Glorfindel closed his eyes and stumbled backwards as an image of the Balrog roaring and jumping at him assaulted him. He gasped for breath, leaning against the door. He took a deep breath, letting the starlight soothe him. He heard the accusing voices of his dearest friends who died that day, telling him he failed and it was his fault.

"Glorfindel?" Elrohir asked, his voice carrying from inside the room where he was putting Estel into his bed.

"I'm fine." He snapped, closing the door with a loud slam as he entered his bedroom again.

Glorfindel sat down on his bed, raking his fingers through his loose hair and looked down at the floor. "It wasn't my fault." He hissed into the silence. "I fought for you, I died for you!" He snapped at one of the voices, lying down and closing his eyes, trying to block out the guilt and regret.


	6. What We Have Here

_Just a little angst to tide you over. There isn't much point to this chapter except to build for the next. Thanks for reviewing, guys!_

Glorfindel regretted telling Legolas anything the next morning. In his shame, he laid abed until the absolute last minute (or last five minutes) until he had to get dressed to get to the council Lord Elrond was holding with Legolas and his father's three lesser advisors. It was something on the matter of trade, and he groaned with annoyance as he struggled to find his notes somewhere on the mess that was his desk. He could not keep anything from getting cluttered lately and it was irking him. He was usually abnormally neat, even when compared with Erestor.

The blonde elf left his rooms and headed towards the small council chamber which was only used for small matters such as trade with another elven kingdom or when Lord Elrond was fed up with the trivial advisors that he only kept because they managed to come up with decent ideas every so often. He exhaled in amusement and turned the corner.

He spotted Legolas down the hallway, heading in the same direction as he was and he winced in embarrassment. How could he have been so stupid as to let everything that had been bothering him out to Legolas? Of course, Legolas was wise beyond his young years and he would not tell a soul, even if tortured and threatened with death, so deep was his loyalty, but it was the fact he knew. Legolas knew of his inward struggle and his agony. Legolas _knew_, and that was not a pleasant thought.

Glorfindel waited a moment after Legolas had entered the council chamber before continuing in his walk. He let out a ragged sigh and rubbed his temples. He had slept for less than two hours, only upon hearing the cheerful birdsong at dawn did he managed to grab a fitful nap. He blinked his tiredness from his eyes and entered the council chamber, seeing only Erestor and Legolas, both of whom were already seated.

He took his regular seat next to Erestor and placed down his notes, looking over what the main topic of the trade talks were: protection of trade routes through the mountains. Three of their attempts to get through the Misty Mountains had been attacked and King Thranduil wished Elrond to send some of his warriors to protect the pass, while Lord Elrond wished to point out that the Orc attacks were increasing around Imladris and none of their warriors could be spared. Thankfully, Thranduil had sent Legolas who was calm-tempered and willing to negotiate, unlike his brothers Arador and Valandil.

Elrond entered, accompanied by the three advisors from Mirkwood and the meeting began. Glorfindel found he could not concentrate and only answered questions when directly asked. He was lucky Erestor had jumped in and answered one question about how many warriors were on active duty through the week and continued to talk about how he had seen the warriors exhausted or Glorfindel would have slipped and shown disrespect to Lord Elrond, the Mirkwood advisors and Legolas.

He let out an inaudible groan as a headache came on. It throbbed through his brain and his stomach began to ache with hunger. He hadn't eaten much in the last couple of weeks and he hadn't gone to breakfast. He rubbed his left temple and wished for the meeting to be over.

"Shall we continue tomorrow, my lords?" Erestor suggested after Legolas had made a final point, which Glorfindel hadn't caught. Four murmurs of agreement came from the Mirkwood side and Glorfindel was the first one out of the door. Thankfully it was because he was closest to it, or he would have seemed overeager.

His head continued to throb as he stopped at a window. He leaned against the wall beside it, gasping in the fresh air. A strange sensation was running through his body and limbs as he forced himself to calm down. The same voices as the night before began to accuse him of failing and disloyalty once more. They mocked his fear and his inability to control his memories and reign in his emotions.

_Where is the stoic warrior of old, Glorfindel?_ They whispered. _You are worthless. You cannot even control yourself. It is your fault we are dead. It is your fault we haunt you from the grave._


	7. The Lay of Luthien

_Oh my word, you guys are awesome! You guys review a lot. I love you all!_

Glorfindel walked through the doors silently into the library. It was a warm afternoon and most of Rivendell's population was outside, enjoying the warmth and sunlight. He could hear the laughter and merriment of his fellow elves, but he didn't let it touch his soul. At the moment, he needed solitude in which to simply think and simply be, before he fell into a hole of despair. He didn't want to let this eat away at his soul, but that is all it had done for many years. And for him to feel the strain of his age was a very serious sign.

There was some part of him that was increasingly worried for his health and his welfare, but the rest of him just didn't care. He could feel the guilt and regret with each step he took, it whispered to him through every shadow and every beam of light. It reminded him of seeing his friends' bodies strewn through Gondolin when the Balrogs attacked. Though there were only six attacking at the time, there could have been one thousand for all the destruction they left in their wake.

He let out a shaky breath as his knuckles turned white, gripping a shelf to keep himself from falling over in his weakness. He blinked away the memories of seeing Ecthelion fall from the mountainside as his feet too had slipped. He shuddered, the sensation of falling coming over him. He let out a slow breath and looked amongst the books, running his nimble fingers over the ageless bindings and fading gold lettering.

"Looking for something?" Erestor asked from where he sat several feet away. He had been watching Glorfindel since he had entered the library. The dark-haired advisor to Lord Elrond always could detect a presence in his library and he was becoming worried at the look of guilt on the once carefree blonde elf.

"No." Glorfindel replied with a curling of his lips.

"Then why are you not outside? It is a fine day, and there is singing and dancing and I believe I heard several requests for your fine voice with Lindir's accompaniment." Erestor said, placing the book he had been reading down and standing up. He walked over to Glorfindel. "You don't look well."

"It is… stress. I have had to double up patrols and put each new patrol on double the normal patrolling time. We have lost many elves recently and it grieves my heart." The blonde lied easily. It was becoming easier to dissuade someone from asking him further how he was.

But that sort of thing never got past Erestor. "Don't lie to me." He said mildly. "I do not like deceit, especially from a friend such as you. Tell me what is bothering you."

Glorfindel had a second lie to back up his first and would have put it into play if two-year-old Estel had not run in and started to call out to them. The two elves went to the small boy who was now accompanied by Elladan and Elrohir. The two heirs of Imladris had taken to the human and were acting like regular big brothers. It was endearing.

"What is it?" Glorfindel asked, an amused smile perched precariously upon his face.

"Wanna song!" Estel said with a bright grin. "Come sing!"

Elladan grinned, nodding. "Lindir wants you to sing the Lay of Luthien with that… oh, what was it he said?"

"I believe he said garbage voice." Elrohir supplied his brother, an evil grin on his face.

"I must decline your request." Glorfindel said smoothly.

"What?" Estel craned his neck, trying to see the tall elf's face from his lower viewpoint.

"No." Glorfindel crouched down and tweaked the small boy's ear.

"Why?" The toddler asked, his silver eyes wide and questioning. "I like hearing you sing! And L… L… the singer person is good on the string thing."

The Balrog Slayer, like most elves and men on Middle Earth, could not say no to the adorable face of Estel. He sighed, and stood up. "Alright. One song and then I get to dump a pie onto Erestor's head." He said in such a serious voice, Erestor feared he was telling the truth. Perhaps he was.

The four elves and human child journeyed back into the sunshine where Lindir was tuning his ten-stringed lyre. The elf grinned and started to twang the familiar, lingering tune that quieted every elf within earshot. Glorfindel took off his formal robe and tossed it onto the ground and readied his voice. He closed his eyes and let the words simply come from his mouth.

"The leaves were long, the grass was green,

The hemlock-umbels tall and fair.

And in the glade, a light was seen

Of stars in shadow shimmering.

Tinuviel was dancing there

To music of a pipe unseen

And the light of stars was in her hair

And in her raiment glimmering."

Glorfindel opened his eyes as he finished the first verse and glanced at Estel. The little boy's jaw had dropped and his eyes were shining with interest and gladness. The human boy would never know but that look of intense hopefulness and innocence closed the wound created by his own lack of hope and something swelled in his breast as he launched into the second verse, his lighter bass voice filling the air. His own dark emotions were eased for that brief moment in time as he told the tragic story of an elf-maiden and a human, not knowing that he would soon sing of the love between that small boy in Elrohir's lap and the beloved lady who still grieved under the great mallorn leaves in Lothlorien.


	8. Death Cannot Stop True Love

_Chapter Eight. I love being evil and angsty. Never a good sign._

"Glorfindel, I think I have this all under control. Legolas wants to see me about some last minute details and then we will write up the final document. Why don't you get some rest?" Lord Elrond's infernal eyebrow shot up in questioning.

Glorfindel's only question was how the elf lord managed to raise his eyebrows. Maybe it was a sort of requirement to be the lord of Imladris. The most intriguing thing about it was Elladan and Elrohir had the frightening ability to imitate their father when it suited them, like making Estel laugh and scaring Erestor out of his wits. Always an entertaining thing.

"Of course." Glorfindel nodded and left the study. He stretched his arms up and released the tension in his shoulders and back. He let out a huge yawn, blinking away the tears that formed in his eyes. He looked out the window and at the blue skies and bright sunshine. His heart leapt with joy at the sight.

He took a small side door and entered the central garden that separated the hall used for serving meals and the rest of the Last Homely House. He took a deep, cleansing breath of the floral air and began to wander through the extensive garden. The wildflowers that naturally grew amongst the grass were crushed underneath his steps and let out an aromatic scent that charmed his mind.

Glorfindel suddenly paused in his tracks and looked at the gnarly, stunted oak tree that curled around the ever-blooming rose bushes and above the white lilies the lady Elrohir had his eye on loved so much. He was suddenly reminded of another time, and another tree much like the one he stood before.

_Glorfindel, lord of the House of the Golden Flower, offered his arm to the brunette elleth who had accepted his invitation of spending the afternoon with him. She smiled shyly up at him as they walked down a familiar garden path, and he swore he felt that cliché feeling of his heart skipping a beat. Normally very open (for an elf, that is), he suddenly found his throat closed up._

"_How have your days been of late, milady?" He inquired politely. He didn't know what had attracted him to her, but there was something different in her eyes._

"_Very fine. My brother is going to be bonded to an elleth he's loved for many centuries within the next twenty-five years." She told him with a smile. "And you, my lord Glorfindel?"_

_Glorfindel smiled. He enjoyed seeing the happiness of his fellow elves. "I have been bored." He chuckled as her laughter filled the air. His pointed ears flushed slightly at the sensation of her laugh washing over him. "Indeed, I have been, but it is your presence that makes those many days feel insignificant, my lady Nieriel."_

"_Do you speak like this to every elleth you take on an afternoon walk?" Nieriel asked with a broad smile._

_Glorfindel leaned against a gnarled tree that was the favorite of trysting lovers. "No, and neither do I do this." He drew her closer to him and leaned in, his lips seeking hers in a sweet kiss._

Glorfindel's fingers traced the bark, biting his bottom lip as he fought to retain his emotions. He never had the chance to find out if he loved Nieriel. The afternoon walk he had taken her on was on the afternoon before the Balrogs attacked. He had seen her frightened face in the crowd before the flames consumed her. Tears streaked down his perfect, ageless face. His legs collapsed underneath him and he leaned his forehead against the bark.

"I'm sorry, Nieriel, I loved you and I never had the chance to tell you. I let you die, consumed before my eyes. I'm sorry…" He grieved, his shoulders shaking with the force of his sobs.

He felt a caress of the wind through his hair and his soul quivered. He had loved her, and now she was in Mandos' Halls. He had lost her. He sniffed, wiping his tears from his face, using his sleeve. He knelt there, his fingers gripping the tree, trying to hold onto his desperate memories from the past.


	9. A Mask of Normality over truth of shame

_This is dedicated to you reviewers, because you make my muse give me ideas!_

Glorfindel had made a decision, as he knelt by the tree. His raw emotions flooding him, he knew what he had to do. If he let his emotions get a hold of him again, he knew he would fade, and the logical side of him knew that he could not give into it. He was not afraid of his emotions; he just didn't want to let Lord Elrond down. His duty pinned him to Middle Earth and he suffered because of it.

The years passed him by and the iron mask still clad his emotions from the world. To others, it had seemed his duties and responsibilities had caught up to him for a short period of time, and then he resumed his normal habits. He would wake up, dress, eat breakfast, inform Lord Elrond of any new turns in the newest treaty they were working on or dispute they were mediating, and then set about his daily duties. He would check in with the returning patrol if it was the third week of the month, or greet the twins if it was the fourth week of the month. He would take that information and make any changes to the patrols or his universal map of Orc movement. He then would dress for supper and then attend. He would retreat to the Hall of Fire and perhaps sing a song or dance with a lovely maiden or two. Then he would respectfully take his leave and go to the library to read for an hour and then retire to bed.

He bled, in the secret recesses of his being that he did not let anyone see. Keeping in the truth of himself, he sentenced himself to emotional death. But never in the fifteen years that passed from the day of the tree, as he remembered it, did he say anything. Lord Elrond trusted he had it all under control.

Even Estel, who was very receptive to the emotions of even elves, could not detect his dying soul.

The twins knew very well what was going on, but they were bound by their loyalty to Glorfindel not to say a word.

Glorfindel laughed merrily as the twins bowed, large grins on their faces, after giving Estel their rendition of an elven birthday song. Indeed, the young man was turning seventeen that night. Elves did not celebrate birthdays for they would have far too many and time had no meaning to them, but he supposed Estel was to be the death of them all, he thought fondly. He reached underneath his seat, where he had hidden the gift he had taken weeks of labor to make.

He stood up and walked over to Estel. The dancing had begun and all attention was off the head table. He put a hand on the young man's shoulder and smiled.

"This is for you, Estel." He said softly.

The young human looked up and accepted the long box Glorfindel handed to him. "Thank you." He said as he pulled the top off. His eyes grew wide. "Glorfindel! I… I… wow, I thank you. I am so grateful." He held in his hand a powerfully-crafted elven sword, roses carefully engraved into the blade and tengwar was on the hilt, spelling out his name and how great his courage was and how powerful his arm. The boy stood up and embraced Glorfindel. "Thank you!"

Glorfindel smiled, embracing the boy in return. "It is my pleasure." He nodded, and returned to his seat. He leaned back and observed the dancing as another familiar blonde elf walked up to him.

"My lord Glorfindel." Legolas greeted him in his musical voice.

"My prince Legolas." Glorfindel smiled, standing once more. "I am glad to see you."

"And I, you. How have you been?" Legolas asked, his eyes meeting Glorfindel's.

The blonde Balrog Slayer had a moment in which he wished to bring his fist between Legolas' two pretty, knowing blue eyes, but he restrained himself. No matter how great Legolas' skill, Glorfindel would always remain his better and he did not want to lose his self-control, which he seemed to do very frequently. Had it just been the day before he had yelled at Erestor for running into him in the library?

"I have been excellent." Glorfindel lied, a fake smile plastered on his face.

Legolas observed his face, testing his honesty before genuinely smiling in return. "Good."

Glorfindel grieved in his heart that his lies had finally worked on the proud prince of Mirkwood.


	10. Their Departure

_Geez! You guys review so much! I'm so grateful._

Glorfindel pulled on a tunic over his head, leaving his hair flowing and unbound as he left his rooms. He was filled with nostalgia. To an elf, it had just been yesterday that Estel had been a toddler, unable to lift a heavy stick, always hungry for sweets, and yet it was this morning he was departing with the Fellowship of the Ring. Of course Glorfindel feared for his young friend. If he was quite honest with himself, he would admit that the fear he held for Estel now had given him flashbacks of seeing his friends from Gondolin go off to fight other Balrogs. He was terrified of letting the human go out into the wilderness. He had nearly lost control when Estel had decided to leave with the Rangers, but it did not mean he wasn't any less proud of him.

Glorfindel found himself falling in stride with the beautiful lady Arwen. He inclined his head. "My lady Arwen." He greeted her softly, offering her his arm.

Arwen took it, unable to meet his eyes. "My lord Glorfindel." She smiled weakly.

"You know, it is the most painful thing in the world to let a loved one go." His voice wobbled slightly, but he regained himself by clearing his throat. "But do you know what the most joyful thing is?"

Arwen looked up to see his face. "What?" She asked.

"It is seeing that loved one ride over that hill to meet you once more." Glorfindel answered her, covering her hand with his own. "Estel will return to you. Have faith in his great skill and have faith in the Valar."

"I have tried, Glorfindel, it is so hard. Every time he leaves, I know he shall return, but he is facing Sauron himself!" The beautiful elleth was only barely holding in her tears. "He is walking out to death."

"Or to great glory." The Balrog Slayer countered. "He shall conquer."

"How do you know?" Arwen asked him, blinking away her tears.

"Because that is how the stories always end." He told her confidently.

"Hannon le." She left his side to join her father and Glorfindel walked up to Estel.

"Ah, my young friend." Glorfindel greeted him. "It is here we must part ways."

"Indeed. Thank you, Glorfindel."

The elf nodded and smiled. "Of course. Now, you must guard these hobbits well and do me proud. Kill a couple of Orcs, make sure Legolas doesn't kill himself and kill the dwarf." Glorfindel sighed. "You have already proven your worth a hundred times over." He whispered as he embraced Estel.

"Again, thank you." Estel replied as he pulled away.

Glorfindel smiled and walked back to stand by Erestor. He nodded to Legolas as Elrond began to speak. He felt a thrill of hope as the Nine Walkers departed from Imladris, but it was quickly extinguished as he saw Estel disappear into the wood as rearguard. Despite his words to Arwen, he felt as if that was the last time he would ever see that human. He bowed his head.

"Do you think they will destroy it?" Erestor asked Elrond.

"They say a fool's hope is better than no hope." Lord Elrond replied softly, watching his daughter walk slowly back into the Last Homely House.

"Then let us all be fools." Glorfindel interjected. "And let us hope for a happy ending, or at least let us be able to see the good from whatever destruction may occur." He felt a sting of regret, for that is what he had been trying to do ever since the fall of Gondolin.


	11. A Rainy Night

_I don't know if I ever said this… but I don't own Lord of the Rings. Obviously. And remember, I don't write slash. All brotherly love._

Glorfindel enjoyed the rain. He loved the sound of the droplets hitting the roof and falling onto the ground. He loved the mud that covered the ground in the gardens and he loved the smell of cleanliness whenever he walked out onto his balcony. But despite his love of the weather, he was sitting underneath the oak tree, soaked to the bone and tears causing rivers down his face to mingle with the rain. Though he was an elf, he was shivering. He didn't remember how long he had been sitting out there. The rain had started shortly before dinner, and he hadn't gone in. The moon was shining through the small kinks in the clouds. His hair was out of its braids and impossibly tangled. He leaned his head against the trunk of the tree, and soon after, he laid down in the dirt, his hand still on the trunk.

He wept for many things. He wept for his lost love, his dead friends, and his own failure. He cried for his strength that was failing him. Why could he not deal with this grief as Elrond dealt with his grief over Celebrian and Arwen's love of Aragorn? Why could he not keep it together? He stared at up at the sky, blinking the rain out of his eyes, letting the rain wash his tears away. He coughed, curling up in the dirt, closing his eyes.

A gentle hand touched his shoulder and Glorfindel opened his eyes. Erestor's kind, dark eyes met his.

"Come, mellon-nin." Erestor offered Glorfindel his hand and the blonde took it.

Wordlessly, they walked through the rain to the entrance to the library and from there, went to Glorfindel's chambers. They entered and Erestor set about getting Glorfindel dry clothes and putting him in front of the fire. Glorfindel slowly pulled his wet tunic off and accepted the towel from Erestor. The advisor strode out of the room to get a servant to bring food for Glorfindel as the blonde changed into the dry pair of trousers. He laid the wet clothes in front of the fire to dry and sat down in one of the chairs near the fire, letting the heat wash over his pale skin.

Erestor came back and pulled the other chair to face the one Glorfindel was in. He put a hand against his friend's cheek. "Valar, you're cold." He whispered, shaking his head. "Glorfindel…"

"Yes/" He croaked.

"You are not well. When Aragorn was a child, you did not focus in meetings for weeks! You hardly eat and then I find you in the rain… weeping. Glorfindel… I care about you too much to let you continue this mental torture. What is hurting you so?" Erestor asked, pulling a comb from his pocket and handing it to Glorfindel who began to comb his wet, tangly, dirty hair as he began to speak.

"Nothing is bothering me." He replied weakly, looking away.

"Do not lie to me." Erestor whispered gently. "I will not be offended, insulted or angry at whatever answer you say."

Glorfindel fought himself. He didn't want to tell Erestor. What he held within him was valuable to him. If it got out, they would _know_. They would know of his failure, of his imperfection. They would know that he had let down all of his other friends and was, therefore, a terrible friend. They would know he was worthless, incompetent, and hard. They would know he could not love them because he was clinging to his past. They would know it was his fault. They would know he failed.

"I… can't tell you." He replied, his voice raspy. "You would hate me."

"I already do." Erestor joked lightly and was heartened to see Glorfindel smile. "I would sooner swear off my favorite cherry and strawberry pie than hate you and you know how much I love a good cherry and strawberry pie."

"I already told someone once and they treated me with PITY!" The proud blonde elf exploded. "I do not want pity." He spat, his eyes filled with anger and spite.

"You of all elves should know I do not pity. I offer sympathy and love, but never pity."

Glorfindel sighed. "I cannot. You…"

Erestor leaned over and put a hand on Glorfindel's shoulder. "You flinch."

"Yes." Glorfindel whispered. "I feel… fire." His voice was almost inaudible, but after centuries of detecting prankers in the library, Erestor's hearing was very sharp, and he managed to catch it.

"You remember the Balrog?" Erestor ventured tentatively.

"Yes." Glorfindel admitted. "I remember the Balrog, I remember the flames, the fire eating away at my skin, I remember seeing my love die because of my moment's hesitancy, and I remember dying. I remember my life draining from my body. I remember my last thought."

Erestor took his friend's hand. "What was it?" He whispered.

"I failed. I failed them all. They relied on me, put their lives in my hands, and I failed."


	12. Sea Longing

_Okay, another chapter. More of our beloved Balrog Slayer… more of his torture. Really, what more could you possibly want?_

The morning began with the chirps of many birds and a brilliant sunrise. The weak, pale beams of sunlight eased over the peaks of the mountains in the far distance and illuminated the forests and plains of Imladris. A moment's peace had fallen over the elven haven, one that was most deserved. The news of Mithrandir's fall had come only a week earlier and all still keenly felt the loss of the wise wizard, but the mourning was put aside as hope was unearthed under the grief. The Fellowship had endeavored into and triumphed over Moria's darkness, and they were in the safe land of Lothlorien. There, they would rest, overcome their grief, and then travel on with the Lady's blessing.

Glorfindel arose early that morning, entangled in his sheets. Elven dreams faded from before his sight and he rolled over and stood up. He surveyed his chamber, letting out a sigh. It was a good morning, he thought as he took a deep lungful of the fresh air filtering through the slit he had left the door ajar the previous night. He splashed cool water onto his face from the bowl on his bedside table and wandered to his wardrobe, picking out a rather stunning and handsome green robe. He held it to himself and then tossed it onto his bed, humming an elven dance tune as he pulled on a different shirt and a non-wrinkled pair of trousers.

He turned his head to look at the mountains through the doors to his balcony. He felt a tug of something at his heart. He knew exactly what it was, but he would wait. He would wait until the gray skies turned to blue and Estel became king. There were so many reasons why the Fellowship could fail, but he knew, somewhere deep within his heart, that the world would fall away to reveal fallen stars and a landscape of hope.

Glorfindel smiled to himself and buttoned up his shirt, pulling his green robe over it. He went up to his mirror to carefully braid his hair. Comforted by the familiarity, he couldn't help but glance at the mountains again and what laid behind them, patiently waiting for the Fellowship and the free peoples to triumph so his soul would come. He would join his kin in the Undying Lands, but there were things yet to accomplish. Yet he would go.

The golden warrior left his chambers and traveled to the library where he found Elladan and Elrohir, talking quietly over a map. Elladan's finger was over Dimhult Road and Elrohir was pointing to where Halbarad and his men had made camp to protect a mountain pass from Orcs.

"What has your father foreseen?" Glorfindel asked, walking to join the twins.

"Estel will take the Dimhult Road." Elladan said softly. "And he will need help."

"Aye. We intend to join him." Elrohir added.

Glorfindel nodded. "He will need you by his side, for you are his brothers."

Elladan nodded his agreement. "Indeed." He adopted a faraway look. "We are." Elrohir put a hand on his brother's shoulder.

Glorfindel smiled. "Then you should go to meet him." He put his hands on his hips. "I am proud of you both."

Elrohir smiled faintly. "Thank you." He raised an eyebrow. "You speak as if we are going to our deaths."

The blonde seneschal could not keep from nodding. "When you show up, Legolas will shoot you both. I'm not sure he can deal with much more than the dwarf."

The twins grinned at each other, and turned back to the map and to their whispering. Glorfindel shook his head, amused, and walked over to where Erestor was reading a large and particularly dusty volume. The dark-haired elf looked up and smiled faintly, remembering their conversation weeks before. Glorfindel sat down in the seat next to Erestor, who put down his book.

"How are you?" Erestor asked, turning his full attention to his friend.

Glorfindel let out a small sigh. "I have felt it."

"It?"

"The sea longing."

Erestor froze for a moment, before nodding. "Will you leave soon?" He asked haltingly, as if something was stuck in his throat.

"I will wait for the Fellowship to triumph." Glorfindel looked down at the floor. "I do not want to leave when there is much I can do to help."

"I am heartened. I would not that you should leave before me."

"What do you mean?"

Erestor smiled. "I would see the white shores with you beside my side, gwador nin."


	13. It Is Finished

_This is either the second or third to last chapter. More good stuff ahead 3 And check out "Jaysen's Wild Romance"- the ultimate Gary Stu story._

Glorfindel dismissed the servant that had been sent to tell him it was time for dinner. He reorganized his papers and set his quill down, making sure the ink did not drip on the papers. He pushed his chair in and left his study with a yawn. The amount of workload, due to the war, had increased threefold and it was taking its toll on him. Perhaps he would finish his work out in the gardens or in his room where he could hear the stars' song. He smiled. Yes, that would indeed be relaxing.

He entered the noisy hall and took his seat between Elrond and Erestor. The smells of chicken, duck and various vegetables that were in heavy abundance met his nose and his stomach grumbled. He took a hearty serving of each and began eating, engaging Erestor in conversation.

"Yes, the trade agreements with the human merchants have been tiring." Erestor commented.

"Ai, I am exhausted. They are stubborn." Glorfindel nodded, taking a bite of chicken and lettuce. He took a sip of his wine, washing it all down.

"They sometimes remind me of Estel when he was younger."

Both elves let out small sighs at this memory.

But then the hall went silent, and the nostalgia was wiped away.

The hall seemed to become brighter and every spirit present was lifted.

Elrond closed his eyes and a smile appeared on his lips as his foresight, at last, saw a blessed sight.

"It is finished." He whispered, and the elves broke out into cheers and laughter.

Yes, it was indeed finished. Sauron had been defeated, and Frodo Baggins survived, with the ever-faithful Sam by his side. Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Merry and Pippin led the offense at Helm's Deep and fought gallantly. Eowyn's icy winter was ended and she walked into the light with her beloved, Faramir, by her side. Gondor was pressed, but not crushed. It was a blessed day.

It was over.

The darkness had been defeated.

It was finished.


	14. It was all he had hoped for

_I'm sorry to say this, but this is the last chapter. Wow! You guys review a ton! Thanks SO much! I've never had 74+ reviews before!_

Glorfindel stood at Elrond's side as they waited in the Grey Havens. He rejoiced in hearing the shrill song of the gulls at last. He had always been a patient elf, except in dealing with Elladan and Elrohir as elflings, but he could not wait much longer. Mithrandir had gone to gather Bilbo and Frodo for the journey, and it was taking longer than expected, but "wizards are never late, nor are they early". He smiled wryly at the thought.

Elrond turned to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Just a little longer, Glorfindel. Then we shall go home." He said, a note of longing in his voice.

"To Celebrian." The Balrog-Slayer smiled in return.

"Yes, to Celebrian." A look of pain passed over Elrond's face and he turned his head to look over the sea. His heart was moved by the song of the gulls, almost to the point of letting a tear fall, but he could hold all his emotion for a little longer. Only in his wife's loving arms would he let out his pains and fears and frustrations. "I pray that she is well."

"Well, except for want of you." Glorfindel reassured his dearest friend. He longed, too, for one who had passed over. Erestor had left with the last group of elves and Glorfindel missed him terribly. Erestor had been able to rescue him from his pain, but not entirely. Perhaps the last wounds were his alone to heal, but he had been unable to do so.

Glorfindel watched the waves lap against the dock, but his attention was drawn away as the hobbits arrived with Mithrandir. He smiled gently at the sight of Bilbo. He seemed to have aged decades, but he did seem up to this last adventure, as he said. His heart ached for the four friends who would be forever parted. He knew their pain, and how separation after so many years would bite at them for the rest of their lives. He closed his eyes. At least there would be rest for him in Valinor.

Frodo approached them and boarded the ship, his hobbit feet padding softly on the wood. Glorfindel waited for the others to board before turning to see Middle Earth for the last time. He silently said his farewells to the twins, and to Aragorn and Arwen. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh. He swallowed and stepped onto the boat, turning around. He did not turn around to see Middle Earth fade into the distance. It was too painful.

ooo

The sun was shining brightly as the Undying Lands came into view. Glorfindel's eyes blazed with excitement. He could see the white shores that faded to green forests, and he could see the crowds of elves waiting to greet them. His laughter rang out when they got close enough to recognize faces and Elrond saw his beloved Celebrian. Though one of the most stoic and controlled elves, the years had been too long and too many for the once Lord of Imladris.

"There she is, mellon-nin." Glorfindel whispered. "She's been waiting." He slung an arm around Elrond's shoulders for a moment, and then released him. A broad grin came to his face when he spotted Erestor.

"Who is waiting for you?" Came the small voice of Frodo Baggins.

"A good friend." Glorfindel told him. "A very good friend." He smiled at the hobbit.

The boat finally reached the dock and it was tied there. Glorfindel stepped up onto the sun-warmed wood of the dock and held out a hand for Galadriel. He gave her a small bow and then helped Bilbo and Frodo, before following behind them. He looked around in awe, his heart heavy, and he was at a loss for words. The undying lands held all of the beauty of the raw wilderness of Middle Earth, but there was no evil to taint the land. It was safe and it was peaceful. He looked into the faces of all the elves he had known and he was overcome with a feeling of peace. He embraced Erestor tightly.

"I have missed you, mellon nin." Erestor whispered.

"And I, you." Glorfindel replied.

"There is someone who has been waiting to see you." Erestor told him and held the blonde at an arm's distance.

"Who?" He asked, bemused.

Erestor grinned broadly.

"Don't smile like that. Its frightening me." Glorfindel joked.

"Just come with me after supper at the New Imladris." Erestor waved it off as the crowd started through the woods. It was not far at all to New Imladris, and everyone wished to be settled before any of the celebrations began.

ooo

Supper was a celebration in itself. The tables outlined the room and the middle of the room was for dancing, but even in his joy and peace, Glorfindel was still troubled. He thought it would have simply fallen from his being when he stepped onto the shore, but it hadn't. Things didn't seem to ever work that way. He took a sip of his wine and watched Erestor get pulled into a fast dance with a pretty maid that he had grown up with. He laughed as the tune melted into a slow rhythm as Erestor's ear tips were red with embarrassment. He smiled contentedly as Celebrian and Elrond got up to dance and were wrapped in each other's arms.

Glorfindel stood up and entered the warm night air, entering the gardens. The stars were shining with a brilliance he hadn't thought possible. He leaned against a mighty tree and closed his eyes. Finally, he was home. He could leave his life in Middle Earth behind and simply be who he was that had been hidden by the layers of pain.

"Oh, pardon me, my lord."

Glorfindel glanced away from the stars to look upon a lady who had not known he was there. He smiled and bowed to her, though her face was hidden by the shadow of the tree. "Tis not your fault." He waved it off. He looked back to the stars. "They are beautiful."

"Yes, they are." She sighed, a smile of joy on her face.

Glorfindel looked back at her face illuminated by the starlight and felt a rush of emotion. "Nieriel?" He questioned softly, his soul screaming for her. "Is that truly you?"

"Yes." Nieriel smiled up at his face. "I have missed you, Glorfindel."

He could not help but grin. She actually said his name, and did not address him as though he was her better. The formality between them had disappeared and they could stand together as friends. He took a step closer to her and they both watched the night sky together.

"You know I have always loved you, right?" Glorfindel looked down at her.

"I know." She replied, her eyes meeting his. "I love you too."

Their hands intertwined secretly. He did not feel the fire of love, but a simple acceptance that he needed and wanted her for the rest of eternity. He did not feel the attraction of lust, but he felt the need to have her know that she was the only elleth he would ever love. He did not need to kiss her, but standing at her side was enough for him. It was all he had hoped for.


End file.
